


Silence

by nanuk_dain



Series: Impossible Relationships [5]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: First Time, M/M, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:40:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim watches and worries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Затишье](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3607740) by [izumrudishe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/izumrudishe/pseuds/izumrudishe)



  
[   
](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)   


 

In Baghdad, Ray fell silent.

Tim noticed it immediately. Ever since Qalat Sukhar, his senses seemed to have tuned on Ray more than on anybody else. He'd been aware of Ray's downward spiral for the past days, had watched him gather his last energy reserves and still succumb to exhaustion more and more every day. It wasn't just his body that was spent almost beyond its limits, although the Ripped Fuel Ray had been taking the whole time had taken its toll. On top of that, Ray seemed withdrawn, the frown on his face didn't leave at all and he kept to himself instead of mingling with the guys.

Tim couldn't help worrying. He knew Ray's silence wasn't a good sign, and he suspected that the time to pick up the pieces was coming closer. He doubted the breakdown could be prevented. It was bound to happen as an outlet for all the tension that Ray had amassed over the mission, and all Tim could do was to be there and keep the damage to a minimum. So Tim made sure to keep an eye on Ray. When he'd had watched Ray get into the back seat for the final leg of the journey to Baghdad, he'd been in equal measure relieved that Ray had taken the opportunity to rest and worried about the fact that Ray admitting his exhaustion meant that he had to be even worse off than Tim had thought. It was like a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it took Tim a while to recognise it as real and profound worry for somebody he cared about.

There was more to it, though. Tim had noticed that Ray had been watching him even more than before the massage at the Qalat Sukhar airfield, and the quality of his gaze had changed. It wasn't something obvious, and Tim was pretty sure none of the Marines had picked up on it. It was subtle, as if there was a new layer to Ray's gaze that made heat spread through Tim's whole body every time he caught those brown eyes. It made Tim aware of how dangerous this _thing_ could become, for both of them.

To avoid a situation like that was the reason Tim had set up some rules when he'd joined the Navy. Number one was not to allow the men he was responsible for to come too close, not to care for them beyond a professional relationship. He knew they could die every moment, and losing friends was harder than losing a fellow warrior. So Tim made sure to keep his distance. Rule number two was that he would _never ever_ get involved with somebody on the forces, especially a Marine. Never mind if they were male or female. It was bound to create unpleasant situations, and in case of it being a man, it could not only end his career, but also endanger both of their lives. Tim didn't want to have to deal with such unnecessary complications on top of the shit he had to experience on a daily basis.

And then came Ray and screwed his rules. Worse even, Tim had let him. First, he'd begun to pay special attention to Ray. Of course it had only been in his function as the corpsman, he'd told himself. It had quickly turned into a habit to watch Ray, and Ray actually watching Tim in return hadn't done anything to ease the tension. Then he'd allowed Ray to touch him. Agreeing to the massage had been a fatal mistake, and Tim knew that now. It had sparked things which had only been shadows before, had made them real. It had given him a taste of what he shouldn't want. Ray's hands on him, sometimes even on his bare skin, were a memory he couldn't forget, couldn't lock away in the back of his mind. It came out when his guard was down, in the rare moments of sleep or when he dozed in the sun for a few minutes.

It hadn't stopped there, though. Tim had begun to call him 'Ray' instead of 'Person' in his mind. The transition had come silently, and he'd only noticed when it had been too late to undo the change. It was only after he'd told Ray to get some sleep before they reached Baghdad that Tim realised he'd called him 'Ray' out aloud. He couldn't take that back without making a complete fool out of himself, and he hated himself for slipping like that. It told him how deep in trouble he already was.

The time they spent in Baghdad was even worse than the weeks beforehand. On top of the constant worry for Ray, Tim felt the war-torn city weigh on him more and more with every neighbourhood they passed, every child's eyes that looked at him with an expression no child should ever have. He wished he could have taken all their bad memories and erase them, give them their childhood back and allow them to be careless and happy, to play with their friends without any knowledge of bombs and bullets. He knew it wasn't going to happen.

Tim reached the end of his patience on their third day in Baghdad when Christopher told him that grown men were stealing candy from the sick children. It sparked a nameless rage inside him and he was on his feet and outside the medical tent within seconds. He shoved the men back, clearing a circle around the line of sick children waiting to be treated, and out of the corner of his eye he noticed Ray joining him. Ray's expression was dark with anger in a way Tim had never seen on him before, and Tim wasn't sure if it was the shoving or Ray's barely restrained rage that made the men back off. Although Tim felt the same helpless anger in his chest, he threw Ray a warning gaze, telling him to stay cool, to keep his calm. Any violence coming from the American side against civilians in this city full of scared, desperate and angry people was bound to end in bloodshed. Nobody wanted that to happen.

When they had to take down the medical tent in order to retreat, Tim felt his insides clench at the sight of the children he left behind. He was vaguely relieved the LT had given him enough time to have a look at all the children who'd come to them, but he knew it wouldn't help much in the long run. What they were doing here was no real help, it was nothing more than scratching an itch and then leaving it to infect even further. Tim hated the madness of war, hated what it did to the innocent caught in the middle, especially the children. In moments like this he wondered why he did this to himself, why he was still in the forces going through this hell again and again. But then he remembered the brave little girl who'd been in his care for a huge infected flesh wound on her right arm. She'd been maybe five or six years old, but she hadn't cried at all when he'd cleaned out the wound which he knew must have hurt terribly. She had just given him a huge smile when he'd offered her a candy bar afterwards, honest joy in her large brown eyes. _That_ was why he was still doing this. Maybe it didn't matter in the long run, but in that moment, for that little girl, he'd made a difference.

It was long dark when they reached the power plant in the east of the city. It wasn't running anymore, which was the reason why there was no electricity in huge parts of Baghdad. Tim knew they were only there to spend the night in relatively safe quarters, not because they were supposed to do something to re-establish power. It wasn't their mission. He hated this sentence with passion.

The Humvees were parked inside the large hall that was part of the power plant, offering at least some shelter against the nightly bullets and mortars. Tim joined the group checking out the perimeter, needing to move around a bit to burn off the restless energy that had built up during the day. He didn't feel ready to settle down for some hours of sleep, although he knew that's what he should do, take all the rest he could get. When they'd completed their round and had reported to the LT, Tim split from the men and walked off the same way they had taken for the round. He needed some privacy, a moment to regain his centre.

He was rather surprised when he noticed one of the men leaning against the wall a few metres down the long corridor that led to multiple little chambers that had served as offices and storage room. It took him less than a second to recognise Ray, his head resting against the wall, his eyes closed. Tim made sure his footsteps were loud enough that he didn't startle Ray, then he approached slowly until he came to stand in front of him.

“Ray?”

Ray's eyes snapped open and suddenly he pushed Tim backwards. He took Tim totally by surprise, probably the only reason why Ray managed to shove him through one of the multiple doors before Tim had any time to react. His back hit the opposite wall of the closet-like storage space at the same moment that Ray shut the door. Not even a second later, Ray was right up in his personal space, his hands clenched into fists in the collar of Tim's uniform, and he pulled Tim down at the same moment that he raised his head. He captured Tim's lips in an open-mouthed kiss that was almost desperate, pressing against Tim from head to toe.

Tim took a sharp breath in shock and suddenly his mind was overwhelmed with Ray's scent, his feel and his taste, and Tim returned the kiss without giving it any thought. He tilted his head to get a better angle and opened his mouth to the invading tongue, meeting it with the same fierceness. Ray made an almost broken little sound deep inside his throat and melted against Tim's body, pressing him back into the wall. Something inside Tim gave way and all the pent up tension, all the desire that had been growing ever since Qalat Sukhar, shot through his entire system with blinding force. Tim's arms came up on their own accord, his left arm wrapping around Ray's waist to pull him in, his right hand finding its way into Ray's hair. The short strands felt soft under his fingers, and he passed through them, enjoying the sensation. God, he'd been wanting to do this for the past two weeks.

Ray pressed against him, all quiet and intense, his hands cupping Tim's jaw to deepen the kiss even further. He was demanding in a way that betrayed his despair, his need to feel, to reassure himself of life, and Tim understood this craving all too well. It had been his companion for so long, and only now, with Ray in his arms, Ray's tongue in his mouth and his fingers in Ray's hair, did the feeling begin to fade. It made him feel light-headed and grounded at the same time, and when Ray's mouth left Tim's to wander over his jaw to his throat, Tim let his head fall to the side to grant him better access. Ray growled, low and raw, and Tim felt teeth dig into the skin right below his collarbone. The pain shot through his whole body, but instead of turning him off, it caused his arousal to climb to unexpected heights.

“Ray, what the...”

“Josh.” Ray interrupted, breathing the words against the skin of Tim's collarbone, right below the spot he'd just marked.

“What?” Tim's brain wasn't working properly and he frowned in concentration.

“It's my first name.” Ray replied, his voice so rough and quiet it was almost inaudible, and his tongue trailed over the spot where Tim felt the dull throbbing of the bite mark. A wave of _something_ passed through Tim at the sudden realisation that he was offered something special, something so private Ray hadn't granted it to anybody else in the Corps.

“Josh.” Tim repeated after a moment, his lips close to Ray's ear, wanting to find out what the name felt like on his tongue. A shiver ran through Ray's body underneath his fingers, and that was the moment when Tim decided that he really liked that name. He touched his lips to Ray's ear, almost a kiss, and asked quietly, “What do you need, Josh?”

“I need...” Ray looked up, his eyes wild and dark and insecure, as if he didn't know how to go on, how to put in words what he needed. “... to feel...”

Tim held his gaze and bent down, his fingers passing over Ray's cheek in a reassuring caress. He cupped Ray's jaw in a grip that was firm and gentle at the same time, and touched his nose to Ray's. “I know.”

Ray shifted even closer, and Tim gave in to his own need to feel and caught Ray's mouth with his own. It was only a whisper of a touch at first, a caress of lips on lips; reassurance, comfort, understanding. A promise.

Ray's eyes closed and he groaned against Tim's lips, then he pushed him against the wall again and deepened the kiss, made it real and hungry. Tim responded to the change immediately, caught in the intensity that surrounded Ray. It was almost too much, and yet it wasn't enough. He felt Ray's hands loosening the fastenings of Tim's flak jacket, then the fingers worked on his uniform jacket. The movements were frantic, almost desperate to reach skin. Only a moment later, Ray's flat hand settled on Tim's side, shoved under the t-shirt, resting on his bare skin.

Tim couldn't help the shiver that the touch caused and he pressed into it, seeking more contact. He separated from Ray only long enough to get rid of his flak jacket and his uniform jacket, then he concentrated on removing Ray's. He knew it was risky, incredibly so, maybe even stupid, but that didn't change that he knew Ray needed this, _he_ needed this. They both did, and it was more important than the risk they took by doing it in a storage room in a power plant in Baghdad, only some fifty metres away from the men. Yet Tim knew that getting entirely naked wasn't an option, not here, not if the call for the next mission could come any second. So he just pulled Ray's t-shirt out of his pants and pushed his hands underneath it, never removing it. Ray seemed to think along the same lines, it was something they'd both been trained to remember even when their brains shut off.

Tim wasn't thinking anymore, he was feeling. The way Ray moved against him, rubbing against the thigh Tim had pushed between his legs, told him that the same was true for Ray. Their kisses had become deeper and dirtier, their touches more daring. Tim's hands had found their way under the waistband of Ray's pants and had settled on his butt, supporting the movement of his groin against Tim's thigh. Ray was panting against his neck, right where he'd bitten Tim, and his fingers were passing all over Tim's body wherever he could reach bare skin.

Before Tim had realised what was happening, Ray's hand had found a way inside his pants and had wrapped around his erection. His vision blanked and his mouth opened in a mindless groan. “God, yes...”

“Shhh.” Ray hushed and pressed his lips to Tim's, almost as if he wanted to keep him from saying anything else. They had to be quiet, Tim knew they had to be, but it was difficult, so incredibly difficult. It took all his discipline not to groan out aloud again, and he deepened the kiss to tell Ray by touch what he couldn't say. Ray's hand on him felt so good, his grip maybe just a tad tighter than Tim usually liked, but right now he didn't mind at all, it only intensified Tim's pleasure. It was strange how the simple touch made him see stars when it normally would have taken far more to make him lose his head like this.

Ray began to move his hand slowly, needing a moment to find a rhythm. His mouth left Tim's to fasten on the spot below Tim's collarbone that he'd already marked, nipping on the skin and driving Tim crazy with the combination of pain and pleasure. It was exactly what he needed. His hips bucked and he thrust in Ray's fist, his own hands clawing into Ray's butt without realising it. It took Ray's harsh gasp against his throat to remind Tim that he wanted Ray to feel what he felt, to make him forget the world for a moment and live only in the pleasure of touch.

Tim gathered all the concentration he had left and forced his hands to let go and move towards Ray's fly. He opened it and let his right hand slip inside, fingers closing around Ray's erection and moving without hesitation. It wasn't the first time he was doing this, and when Ray's hips bucked almost violently and he couldn't hold back the groan, Tim smirked. “Tim... oh my... ”

Ray's hand lost its rhythm and his mouth opened in another suppressed groan. Tim shifted and pulled Ray closer with one hand on his waist, aligning their erections. Then his hand closed over Ray's, and the slide of skin against skin, hot and pulsing and wet with precum, was enough to make Ray go wild. He breathing turned as frantic as the movements of his hips and one of his hands found the nape of Tim's neck, holding on for dear life, while the other moved with Tim's in perfect sync. Tim allowed himself to get lost in the intense pleasure and let his head come to rest on Ray's shoulder, turning his face so that his nose pressed against the skin of Ray's neck and he could breath in his scent. Ray moved against him, with him, in their entwined hands, passionate and hard and _real_ , and Tim tightened his grip on their erections and sped up the pace, knowing he was close.

“Tim... yes...” The sound of his name in Ray's voice, hoarse and rough with pleasure, was enough to send Tim over the edge. He came with such intensity that he had to bite his lip really hard in order to keep the groan quiet. He felt Ray's body tense against his, felt his hot breath on his neck, felt Ray pulse in his hand, felt the wetness on their entwined fingers. Tim's knees wanted to give out and it was only his deeply ingrained discipline along with the supporting wall in his back that made him remain upright. Ray had sagged against him, breath coming in pants that were almost in sync with Tim's, and they just remained where they were. Tim guessed that he wasn't the only one whose brain needed time to regain functionality, and he didn't mind staying like this for a little longer. Ray's closeness, his scent and his taste were alluring, and Tim knew that what they'd just done wasn't only a way to release tension.

Not for him.

Not for Ray.

It had been building for weeks, and it wasn't going to end now. It was only going to get more intense, and Tim felt a shiver run down his spine. He didn't bother to raise his head from where it rested on Ray's shoulder when he spoke. “We're in serious trouble, Josh.”

He felt Ray nod, his hand still resting on the nape of Tim's neck, his fingers under the bandana in his hair. “Yip, we are.”


End file.
